Sorry I don’t speak Norwegian but I needed this. I need to open up here. I’ve been struggling since I was 13 years. Experienced physical abused then ran away from my relatives where I used to lived. Then I decided to live alone at the age of 13. All I know that I keep running away. When I turned 20, something terrible happened to me. I got kidnapped and raped and sexual assault. My depression got worse. I ran away from my country again. That’s why I’m in Norway. Looking for a better life. But still everything seems not okay. My life is horrible. I feel helpless, I feel devastated and don’t know where to go. Thinking ending my own life is the best solution. Then before the day I went to work. I have been thinking to end my life. But unfortunately I experienced traumatic event again. I found someone killed himself in the room where I work (hotel cleaner). I don’t know what’s going with my life. Why I have to experience all of this. Yet I didn’t ask professional help. I’m still struggling. I’m still running away.
Hi.
I’m so sorry to hear you have experienced all these things. I don’t think that’s an other reason, than you have been very unlucky.
I think you need to talk to somebody, find somebody who can help you, and let them help you.
It’s not like everything become okay when you escape the terrible things in life you have been going through, it takes time to heal the wounds after traumas, especially when it comes to things related to your family and upbringing, and being at a safe place can make you noticing all what’s been hurting you, even more. But you can get help. And there is also help in doing good things for yourself.
You are brave and I’m very impressed how you have fled from your family and from your country.
Hi, it is good that you share.
It is the negative feeling that is affecting you at the moment. The feeling is reinforced through thoughts to build momentum to take action to fix the situation, but it is struggling to figure out how. Maybe it can be a good idea to talk with a professional.
If you want to chat about it, we can do that. We can also chat about other things, like music 🤔
What’s your employer’s response to this incident?
I took sick leave for 2 weeks then gave me their company doctor to talk but it seems our conversations doesn’t help and when I told the doctor I have trauma going to that hotel and I am not able to work again. He thinks running away wasn’t a good solution but honestly i had some panic attacks when i went there to try working again.
Thank you for your reply. I would love to talk to someone but I don’t know why I don’t trust to psychologists. That’s why I prefer normal people
Do you have any suggestions or idea how to cope this depression and anxiety?
That’s the sort of thing that catches my mind, when just at the time you’re contemplating suicide, you find someone who did it.
I don’t understand why it happened to me. I thought it was a sign as well that don’t do it but at the same time gave me more trauma and anxiety, fears and nightmares
For years I looked for signs, but I was understandably looking for signs that immediately seemed positive. I started to realize with all the shit you go through in life, if there is such a thing as meaningful signs, or destiny, I had to look everywhere. I’m still not sure if there is any meaning to these sort of things, but I sort of enjoy spotting them at least.
Maybe first see if there’s somebody near you you can talk to about what happened now, about you witnessed a suicide, because that’s a dramatic thing that happened now. Are there maybe somebody at work? I think it’s good to find somebody to talk about this with and share it with somebody. The “kommune” should also have some people you can talk to when you have experienced something like this, and they don’t have to be psychologist.
Everybody will understand that it was a traumatic experience for you, at they should have some ways to handel that at work, or help you with where you could find somebody to talk to about that.
I saw now that you already gotten some help after what happened, and I think also it would be wise to go back to the hotel and see that’s safe. I understand your panic, but running away from it, doesn’t make it better, either. I think you should get some help facing the trauma, and make it feel safe for you again going there again.
The only way to experience it’ s safe going there now, is going there again. But I don’t feel qualified giving you more suggestions than that.
When it comes to everything that has happened to you earlier. For me it helped much to learn about trauma and what helps. Mindfulness and self-compassion together with getting to know myself and understand myself and my reactions better, has helped a lot. And has given me more and more brakes from the anxiety etc. But also finding somebody who handles to hear my story and who believes me. I read a lot about traumas first, before I felt safe enough to ask for help from psychologists again.
I just want to tell you also that panic attacks aren’t dangerous, and it’s natural that you feel scared going back to the hotel. But it’s not dangerous to do so, and I think it’s the way you can process what happened to you there. The thing you are afraid of, has already happened.
And that’s the best reason why you should talk to a psychologist. In our society, normal people are not supposed to help each other with anything else than normal life problems, and what you describe is an extraordinary situation that should be handled by professionals.
I honestly don’t believe it was a sign, but maybe it was just too much for you to handle after everything that has happened to you in the past. I’m using behavioral cognitive therapy (, or is it cognitive behavioral therapy?) through an app called Braive. Unfortunately it’s not a free program, but you might want to look into it, maybe your insurance or workplace can cover the expenses. Their modules are in English